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  Jaeden’s lips trembled. She had lost him. She had really done it now. This wasn’t how the mating was supposed to be. How could she and Caia mess it up this badly?

  Ryder sighed wearily and dropped his arms from the cage he’d made around her, taking a step back. “Talk to your mother, Jaeden. She needs you.”

  The tears spilled down her cheeks and through the blur she saw him pause, watching the show of emotion with surprised alert. When he didn’t make a move toward her, Jae was humiliated by the unexpected and uncontrolled sob that burst from deep within her chest. Still, he made no move toward her, but he wasn’t leaving. And she took comfort in the way he clenched his fists as if stopping himself from going to her.

  After a moment, she pulled in a shuddering breath. “And you?” she managed. “Do you, Ryder?”

  He hissed and then replied, “Do I what?”

  “Still need me?”

  Instead of replying, he turned away. “Just talk to your mom.”

  Panic floored her and she tripped a few steps toward him. “Ryder, wait.”

  “No,” he threw over his shoulder as he walked away from her.

  Just say it! There’s nothing left to lose.

  “I’m sorry!” she cried. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry—” She began to cry for real, all the tears she’d kept locked up since her father’s death. She slid to the ground, burying her shame-faced head in her hands, trying unsuccessfully to control the rib-cracking sobs taking over her body.

  Then like the relief of sun after days of relentless rain, warm, familiar arms encircled her, drawing her into an equally strong and familiar chest. Ryder tightened his hold on her, stroking her hair and rocking her as she let it all out. At the feel of him, eventually Jaeden’s cries eased. As his scent flooded her senses, she shuddered for another reason. She wanted him. She wanted him to make it all go away.

  Slowly, Jae lifted her head to look at him, his face inches above her. She winced inwardly at the uncertain look in his eyes as he gazed down at her. Panicking at the thought of never being able to erase that look, Jaeden scrambled to cradle his face in her hands.

  “Ryder,” she gasped, pulling herself even closer. “I am so sorry. I didn’t mean any of it, I swear. I was just so angry, I—”

  “We were all angry, Jaeden,” he said through clenched teeth, but his eyes betrayed his desire as they drew down to her mouth.

  Jae took heart in that. “Ryder.” She locked onto his gaze, resolute. “I love you. I never stopped loving you … I was just so—”

  “Just so what?” he demanded, shaking her by the shoulders. “What, Jaeden? What was so damn important that it was worth putting me through the worst weeks of my life?”

  Explain it, Jae, explain. It’s your only shot at keeping him.

  “My dad knew me so well,” she whispered against his lips. “Losing him was like losing a part of my own soul.”

  “Jae—”

  “Let me finish, please.” She looked up into his eyes. Gods, he looked so determined to not forgive her. “But with you, it’s like you are my soul. You’re such a huge part of me that I don’t think I’ll survive losing you. I thought if I could keep all the people I cared about at a distance, it might not hurt so much if anything were to happen to them. The thought of losing you, Ryder … I won’t come back from that. I love you so much it terrifies me—”

  Her words were cut off as he crushed her mouth beneath his own, his kiss demanding and punishing, taking everything she had. And she gave it to him, kissing him back with as much abandon and need. Ryder pressed her backward, sending her crashing onto her back on the damp ground. She barely noticed they were outside while he continued to kiss her as if this were their last moment on earth. His large body pressed upon hers, brushing across her deliciously as he braced his arms on either side of her head. Jaeden growled into his mouth, sliding her hands into his hair and bringing him down on top of her with one hard tug. That seemed to sever any control he might have had.

  She sizzled with fragile excitement as he pulled away from their kiss long enough to tug his T-shirt over his head. He then relieved Jae of her shirt and bra. The feel of his rough hands on her overheated skin drove her to the edge, and Jaeden reached for him again, whispering love words against his skin as her hands did some roaming of their own, her lips pressing hot kisses to his throat and jaw. Ryder groaned under her assault, and she felt him undoing the buttons on her jeans. Desire for her mate flooded from the pit of her belly, flushing her skin to the roots of her hair.

  “Ryder,” she panted.

  They had only consummated their mating once, and part of the frustration and animosity between them these last few weeks had been their need. They still wanted each other, even when they were struggling.

  Naked beneath him, Jaeden urged Ryder’s jeans off and then enveloped him in her embrace, her legs wrapped around his waist.

  “I love you,” he whispered as he gazed down at her. “Do you love me?”

  That he even had to ask. A tear escaped, aching for having hurt him so badly, and she pressed a sweet kiss against his lips. “I will always love you. Never doubt it, no matter what stupid thing I say or do.”

  He groaned and made love to her, a slow, gentle love that caught fire and grew frenzied, as if they were both afraid the other would disappear.

  As they strove to catch their breath, Ryder pulled her closer into the warmth of his body, gazing up through the trees to the sky that had darkened to midnight blue above them. He smelled of Jaeden and now she smelled of him. As soon as they walked into the hotel, the pack would know what they’d been up to, but he didn’t care. He was glad to have her back.

  And he did have her back, that he was sure of. Life with Jaeden was always going to be interesting, but he’d never doubted she loved him, no matter what she said. They were mates, blessed by the gods themselves. She’d been right before. He was as much a part of her as she was of him. He knew she was angry, and he knew exactly what she’d been doing when she pushed him away like that. Ever the strategist, he’d decided to back off for a while, let her cool down on her own. That morning at breakfast, he’d seen the vulnerability in her eyes for the first time—the guilt, the realization of what she’d been doing to them all. It was the best time to bombard her, make her think she was going to lose him.

  Worked like a charm.

  And he wasn’t even going to feel bad about manipulating her because his mate was tucked up nice and safe in his arms, just where she should be.

  “I have to tell you something,” she whispered hoarsely, and Ryder stilled. The sound of guilt gilded her words.

  “What did you do?” he groaned, peering down at her.

  Of all the things in the world, he had not been expecting her admission that she’d helped blackmail Caia into killing the Septum.

  “For Gaia’s sake, Jaeden!” he snapped, pulling out of their embrace and shoving himself back into his jeans. “I can’t believe this!”

  She started dressing herself, her body shaking, her lips trembling. He tried not to feel bad but he couldn’t believe she’d been keeping this to herself for weeks.

  “That little bloodsucking fiend blackmailed Caia into killing the Septum, and Lucien thinks she just left! He kicked her out of the pack, Jaeden!”

  “I know!” she cried. “I wasn’t thinking. It was just another one of the many selfish things I did this last month, alright?”

  “Lucien is going to kill you!” he swore, shoving his hand through his hair. “I’m going to have to fight my best friend because he’s going to want to kill you.”

  “Ryder.” She stamped her foot, a bit of the old Jae creeping back into her voice. “I feel terrible about this—you don’t have to make me feel any worse.”

  Holy mother of … Lucien would go ballistic. Ryder sighed and grabbed hold of her hand, tugging her toward the house. “Let’s get this over with.”

  21

  Faith

  The dining hall looks good, Lucie
n mused, gazing around as he ate the roast chicken Lucia and Cera had prepared. Ella roped him and some of the others into appropriating dressing screens from the bedrooms and placing them across the dining hall as a temporary wall. Shortening the length of the room had instantly made it cozier, and they’d arranged the tables into one massive table they could all fit around. Then they had taken fabrics—throws, curtains, bits of muslin—and dressed the windows. With some candles to soften the lighting, Lucien had to admit, despite himself, that Ella had been right. The place was starting to feel more homely.

  It would be even more homely if his mate were at his side instead of Rose. His gaze dropped to the redhead and then lifted almost instantly. He and Rose had had a difficult conversation today. She’d found him in his suite with a photo of Caia and himself from Irini and Aidan’s mating ceremony. Magnus had made a big deal of Lucien putting his arm around Caia, and she’d blushed like an idiot as he drew her into his side for the photo to be taken. Only hours later he’d kissed her for the first time on the back porch and had been relieved when she’d kissed him back.

  He’d kept the photo in his wallet ever since and showed it to Caia once they had gotten together, teasing her about how she looked at him in it, gazing up at him shyly. He’d been thrilled to see a look akin to love in her eyes as she stared at him.

  Since kicking Caia out of the pack, Lucien gazed at that picture every day, trying to make sense of what had happened.

  “Whatcha looking at?” Rose grinned as she strode into his bedroom without knocking. He really should reprimand her for that, but she was smiling so endearingly, he couldn’t. When Lucien didn’t answer her question, her gaze fell to the photo as she rounded the sofa, and her smile instantly dropped.

  “Lucien, what are you doing?” she moaned.

  Frowning, he tucked the photo back into his wallet. “What do you mean?”

  “You.” She gestured to his wallet. “Mooning over her when she’s betrayed you.”

  His jaw clenched. “You don’t know that.”

  “I know she left to do something you specifically told her not to. That’s not how a pack works.”

  “It’s complicated.”

  “That’s the problem.” She smiled sadly, coming around to sit beside him. “It’s too complicated.”

  He shrugged.

  After a minute of silence, he felt Rose tense before she cleared her throat. “It’s been awhile now. Weeks, actually.”

  Yeah, he was painfully aware of that.

  “Lucien, I wanted to give you time. But I can’t wait anymore. Love doesn’t have to be complicated.”

  Uh-oh.

  He glanced up at her, and suddenly, she was pressed against him, her hand running up his thigh. “Love can be easy and good. Like with us.” And then she kissed him. Not just a sweet peck on the lips. Rose grabbed his head hard and kissed him, tongue and all, with as much passion as she could summon. Like an idiot, he now thought, he’d been totally surprised by her attack, and it had taken him a minute to pry her off. He did, though, and stood from the sofa to put some distance between them.

  “What?” she whispered.

  “That can’t happen ever again.” He gestured stupidly at the spot where he’d just been sitting.

  Rose gazed up at him, hurt. “Why not? You kissed me back.”

  “No!” he argued vehemently, fearing what such a sentence would do to his relationship with Caia if it ever got back to her. “No, I didn’t. I was surprised.”

  “Surprised?” She snapped up off the seat. “Lucien, how can you be surprised? It’s obvious I’m in love with you. Everyone knows it.”

  “Rose. I care about you, I do. But I love Caia. She is my mate.”

  “She has a funny way of showing it.”

  “Our problems are between us,” he warned. “I don’t want anyone bad-mouthing her.”

  “I’m not bad-mouthing her—I just don’t get it. I don’t get your relationship with her.”

  “You don’t have to get it.” He ran a hand through his hair, trying to brace himself for her reaction to his next suggestion. “Maybe we should try to contact the Center and see if it’s safe for you to go home. Or maybe see if you can stay at the Center.”

  Rose shook her head, looking frightened. “I don’t want to. I feel like part of a family here. I’m sorry I’ve made you uncomfortable, Lucien, I really am. I promise I won’t cross the line again. I just had to tell you how I felt—”

  “Yeah, but it could be a problem—”

  “It won’t. Jeez, Lucien, the female members of the pack who aren’t related to you are all half in love with you anyway. I’ll get over this … but not if I lose your friendship.”

  He sighed. “You never have to worry about that.”

  So here they were, having dinner with the pack, and he hoped he wasn’t delusional about their circumstances. Rose believed they could make it work as just friends, and he really didn’t want to kick out one more female he cared about.

  As he mused over this, Lucien felt a change in the air and was taken aback to see Jaeden and Ryder walk into the dining hall smelling of one another and holding hands. Lucien knew Ryder was heading out to find Jae and try to talk some sense into her, but Jae had been so adamant of late, he hadn’t thought his friend would succeed. His fault for not trusting the strength of a mating … probably because his own was going so well.

  Lucien smiled at Ryder as they crossed the room toward the pack.

  “You guys alright?” He grinned cheekily.

  It was good to see Ryder smile back at him. His friend was generally a lighthearted person. It was tough seeing what the last few weeks had done to him. To them all.

  Although, he had to admit that their time together as a pack at the hotel had helped them get through it. Draven and Kade’s suffering was different, having lost their children, but Draven’s brother, Isaac, and his wife, Imogen, were proving inseparable companions, having lost Sebastian last year, and subsequently understanding the hell they were going through. Lucien especially thought their nieces, Seana and Sunday, helped Draven and Kade. Nothing could ease the pain of losing those closest to them, but Lucien reckoned it would’ve been harder for them all if they hadn’t had this time together.

  The only exceptions had been Alexa and Jaeden. Alexa wasn’t budging, but Lucien noticed the difference in Jae as she stood with her mate.

  Ryder nudged Jaeden toward him. “Jaeden has something to tell you.” He looked at her sternly. Lucien watched in bemusement as Jae glowered at her mate.

  “You don’t have to shove me forward like an errant child,” she huffed.

  “Jaeden,” Ryder warned.

  The look in his eyes abruptly caused Lucien to tense. Ryder was serious, which meant this was serious. He scowled. “What’s going on?”

  The trembling of Jae’s lip sent his heart into overdrive. Okay, if Jae was afraid to tell him, then this was really serious. “Lucien.” And then she looked up at the pack gathered around the table. “Everybody. I did something. Reuben—”

  “NO!” Alexa cried shrilly, leaping to her feet, knocking her chair to the floor with a loud clatter. “Don’t you dare!”

  What the Hades was going on?

  Lucien stood slowly, emitting mega Alpha vibes. Alexa faltered. “I want to know exactly what you’ve done and why Alexa doesn’t want me to know about it.”

  Jaeden nodded quickly and leaned back into Ryder for support. “Caia didn’t leave by choice.”

  Her words turned to a panic that gripped his chest, and he grabbed hold of the back of his chair, curling his fingers around it. He had a very, very bad feeling about this.

  Alexa was yelling again, her face mottled with fury. “NO! Jaeden! You st—”

  “YOU!” Lucien roared, interrupting her. “Shut up!”

  The tension in the room intensified, seizing the entire pack. Only Magnus had the courage to speak up. “Jaeden, get to the point,” he bit out.

  “Reuben blackmailed C
aia into killing the Septum.”

  The air rushed out of Lucien’s lungs as emotion took hold of him—that under the skin, brain-buzzing, won’t let go of your body kind of rage. “Explain.” His lykan overpowered his vocal cords. The hush continued among his pack.

  Jaeden was trembling again, but distractedly, he admired the way she stood her ground and met his eyes. “Reuben told Caia he wouldn’t give us refuge and mask our trace unless she killed the Septum, and Alexa and I didn’t stop him. In fact, we encouraged him.”

  Oh gods. He dropped back into his chair and groaned into his hands. He felt his mother’s hand on his shoulder, trying to offer comfort. But no one could give him that. He’d kicked his mate out of his pack when all she’d been trying to do was protect them … protect them when he should have been!

  He roared, seeing only red as he stood and threw his chair across the room. It shattered against the wall. “Where is she?” he demanded, spinning back on Jae who had paled considerably.

  “I don’t know,” she whispered. “Lucien, I am so sorry. I feel terrible. Caia promised me not to tell you the truth, and I was just so angry, I wanted revenge and I couldn’t see past i—”

  “Enough!” he ordered. He didn’t want to hear her excuses. Hers or Alexa’s. Gaia, he could barely look at the two of them. “You had weeks to tell me this—”

  Ryder stepped forward, looking wary but determined. “She’s telling you now. Caia was the one who didn’t tell you, man.”

  “Because she knew I would stop her, and the pack would be without protection!”

  “I’m just saying—”

  “Save it! I don’t want your excuses for your mate’s behavior. Alexa and Jaeden are now under house arrest. No runs, no dining with the pack. They’ll be locked in their rooms and their meals will be brought to them.”

  Jaeden nodded but Ryder scowled. “For how long?”

  “For as long as I need them out of my sight,” Lucien spat. He cursed, trying to think. Having no idea where Caia could be wasn’t giving him much to act on. But he wanted her back with the pack, even if it meant they didn’t have Reuben’s protection. She was his pack, and he should’ve been protecting her all along.